The Bounce Back: How to build resilience
You’re not born a resilient person, it’s a practice that you can work on
Wouldn’t it be great if we could just bounce back from the setbacks we’ve all endured in the last couple of months?
I don’t know about you, but that feels like a distant prospect right now. As I’ve floundered these last couple of weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot about resilience. When I had more of it, resilience was my suit armour – something I could slip into that would protect both my personal and professional wellbeing from knocks and scrapes.
Lately, that suit of armour has taken a serious beating. As a freelancer, I know that setbacks are inevitable – I never enjoyed the rejected pitches and difficult client conversations, but they rolled off my back fairly easily. Now, however, I can barely find the energy to send the pitch in the first place because I’m already dreading the rejection.
Thankfully, I remembered the most important thing I ever learned about resilience: it’s not a personality trait. You’re not born a resilient person, it’s a practice that you can work on.
So for the next few weeks, I want to spend some time building my resilience back up – and I’d like to invite you to join me.
I’m reluctant to even call this a course because this isn’t about gritting our teeth and powering through, it’s much gentler than that. Yes, there will be reading materials, exercises and online sessions (starting with a virtual panel next week, more on that below) but I want this to be something that helps you rather than stresses you.
So I’m just calling this The Bounce Back, because that’s exactly what I want to try and do together – bounce back.
The Bounce Back
So how’s this going to work?
Each week, I’ll send you something designed to help you, little by little, build your resilience back up. There will be reading materials, exercises and online sessions. It will be structured in the sense that each week, you’ll receive new materials but how and when you do them is totally up to you.
This week, let’s start with a self-compassion exercise.
Fear makes us feel alone. We wonder why we’re the only ones feeling this way, and what’s wrong with us. In these situations, practising self-compassion can be a much kinder way through the difficulty.
Take five minutes out of your week this week to show yourself some compassion:
Think of a situation in your life that is difficult and is causing you stress.
Call the situation to mind and see if you can actually feel the stress and emotional discomfort in your body.
Now say to yourself, “This is stress.” This acknowledgement is a form of mindfulness. You’re simply noticing what is going on for you emotionally in the present moment, without judging that experience as good or bad. You can also say to yourself, “This is a moment of suffering.” Use whatever statement feels most natural to you.
Next, say to yourself, “I’m not alone” This is a recognition of your common humanity with others – that all people have trying experiences, and these experiences give you something in common with the rest of humanity rather than mark you as abnormal or deficient. Other options for this statement include “Suffering is a part of life,” “Other people feel this way” or “We all struggle in our lives.”
Now, close your practice by saying to yourself, “May I be kind to myself.” This is a way to express self-kindness. If you want to, you can put your hands over your heart while you do this. You can also consider whether there is another specific phrase that would speak to you in that particular situation. For example, “May I give myself the compassion that I need,” “May I accept myself as I am,” “May I learn to accept myself as I am,” “May I forgive myself,” “May I be strong,” and “May I be patient.”